Animal Cracker is out...and another book too!.

Attention! At long last, Animal Cracker, my comedic novel set in a pet shelter, is out! Currently available in paperback, it will be published for the Kindle too shortly. Animal Cracker is currently available at a "launch special" price for a limited time only. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I liked writing it. And if you really love it, I'd appreciate a tweet and/or Amazon review.

You'll notice that I have another book for sale. (A)Musings, for the Kindle only, is a collection of humor pieces, a travel memoir, some recipes and a few surprises.

Here's where to buy: Amazon.com

Thanks for your support!

PUBLICATION - FOR REAL!

The day has come....almost! On WEDNEDSDAY, JUNE 12, Animal Cracker will be published. Warning: on that day, I will be bombarding the twittersphere with hourly exhortations to BUY MY BOOK. Apologies in advance. Animal Cracker will be initially available as a paperback and in a few weeks, in a Kindle version as well. I hope to make it available for the Nook too at some point.


And...ta - da - a bonus! I'm also publishing another book that very same day. (A)Musings is a collection of short humor pieces, travel writing, some recipes and other miscellany. It will be sold only for the Kindle, at least for now, for just $.99. Double the fun and buy 'em both.

Thank you,blog followers, for sharing this journey with me. I hope you enjoy my work!

Animal Cracker - another excerpt

Countdown to publication of Animal Cracker, my comedic novel set in a pet shelter, that debuts in just a few weeks. To whet your appetite, here's another excerpt. Scroll down to read two more.

I headed to the lunchroom for some late-morning mud. Who was this? Philosophy major/would-be rock star/poet judging from the milky pallor, height of around 5’6,' black geeky/cool rock star glasses, and a hairline inching backwards. Andrew in everything but hair.
“Where’s the sugar around here?” he asked as he poured some java into an APA mug featuring our logo and a trio of basset hounds.
I obligingly opened the cabinet above the sink, inquiring “One envelope or two?”
He took three, saying “It’s gotta taste like coffee ice cream.”
“Hey, me too,” I replied.
“So, I guess you work here?”
“Writer in residence. PR, brochures, stuff like that. You?”
“Actually, I write too. Working on a novel.”
“Starving artist.”
He laughed. “I manage to put food on the table.”
“All legally, I hope.”
He laughed. His teeth resembled perfectly formed Chiclets.
“ Since I left Colgate junior year, I’ve been lifeguarding, bartending, rewriting unintelligible Japanese appliance manuals.”
“You sure have lots of variety in your day.”
“You could look at it that way. I look at it as a bunch of checks.”
I took a slug of coffee.
“So, what’s your interest in APA?” I asked.
“My dad works here. I’m picking him up for lunch.”
“Really? What department?”
“Actually, he’s the big gun. You know, Hal?”
Nothing came out of my mouth.
“You look like you just swallowed a bug.”
“I did, I did.”
But of course he was Hal’s son. He had his eyes, though the mouth definitely hailed from the Joyce side of the family.
Let’s take inventory here. My boss’s son appeared to be flirting with me.. A boss about whom I was starting to harbor some serious doubts. Rule Number One in that great workplace manual in the sky: No dating the boss.* *Or his offspring.
“I’m Diane Salvi, the Communications Director.”
“Mark Mason.”
“Well, I guess I must go do some communicating,” I said, giving him a cute little grin. Yikes, was I actually sorta, kinda interested in a man?
I texted Genie.
guy in lunchroom flirted with me, semi-adorkable. p.s. he’s hal’s son.
She texted back, You finally show an interest in someone and that’s who you pick???? Stay away.
I let my imagination take a brief and unexpected stroll down romance lane, picturing Mark and me ambling along the Esplanade on a warm spring day, arms entwined. Dining in a candlelit North End Italian trattoria. I told my fantasies to take a hike, played a quick game of online Boggle, and probably would’ve played a few more had Betty not interrupted me to reschedule my next meeting with, who else, Mark’s father.

Publication, Part Two

I just finished a phone call with my "publisher" - CreateSpace, a division of Amazon. Next steps: final edit of manuscript, confer with book designer, fork over some money. In about two months, I'm the proud parent of Animal Cracker, a real live book, available for the Kindle and as a paperback.

Could I be more excited? I could not.

If you haven't already, you can scroll down in the blog where I've posted two excerpts. Enjoy!

Publication!

I'm publishing Animal Cracker - hooray! It'll be available for both for the Kindle and as a turn-the-pages paper book. Target launch date: June 1, 2013.

I have lots to do, including raise funds on Kickstarter. Click on the link if you'd like to support my efforts to become published - minimum donation, just $1! Anyone can help my book make the leap from my computer into the hands of readers seeking a fast-paced, witty, sometimes poignant read. Oh, and Animal Cracker features lots of cute, cuddly....animals!

Stay tuned for the further adventures of the "Unsinkable Andi Brown!"

Publishing journey update

My writing activity is moving as fast as a Japanese bullet train. Getting published, well, more like Amtrak.

After months of shopping Animal Cracker around to every appropriate literary agent in New York and beyond, I received a couple dozen requests for the manuscript. Good news, right? Gave me hope. By now, most have declined, saying they liked it but the market's really tough now, hard to sell new author, blah blah blah. I'm now down to four agents who are still clutching the thing in their powerful hands.

My hope for conventional publication is fading, but never fear, I will be published. My investigation into the process of self-publication is well underway. Once I confirm that every last agent has declined, I'm going full speed ahead (to continue the train metaphor) with DIY publication, which will include an unorthodox marketing scheme I've cooked up. So stay tuned. Animal Cracker is coming to an e-reader and yes, turn-the-pages book soon.

AND, I've finished writing a romance novel with a friend. Working title is Goddess and it takes place on the picturesque island of Santorini. The only porn is food porn and travel porn - lots of lovingly described meals, villages and sunsets. It's a little spicy, but this is no Fifty Shades. We've given it to a few friends to read and critique, and then we'll revise and start shopping this one around to agents too.

Finally, I occasionally find time to work on another comic novel. More on this another time.

Another sample of Animal Cracker, my comic novel set in an animal shelter

Here's another sample from my comic novel set in a beleaguered animal shelter organization. Our feisty heroine, Diane, prepares for her first board meeting as the new Communications Director.

To read the novel's opening pages, scroll down two posts. And if you like it, would love a tweet or a comment here. Enjoy!

Chapter Three
My debut – my first board meeting - had arrived, and I was in the midst of an anxiety attack. Act like the senior management you are, I urged myself. Not only was I no longer the vassal I’d been at the ad agency, I owned my own fiefdom. So why didn’t I feel like the lady of the manor?

Dressing to impress might help. I requested Genie’s assistance with outfit selection. We were standing before a closet designed for a leprechaun. This was in fact okay since I possess a leprechaun-sized wardrobe. All my clothes have a story, and by the same author – her name is ebay.

Genie bit her lower lip, worrying her eyebrows as if pondering the secrets of black holes instead of which outfit in my wardrobe would be most likely to make our board of trustees - my boss’s bosses - think they had the next Hilary Clinton on their team. Genie had a theory. Actually, Genie has many theories, but that day’s had to do with the psychology of clothes.

“Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Who will you be in the future? I pick Senior VP for Marketing at Microsoft.”

“You sound like my dad. I want the job I have now. With more money.”

“Then dress like money.”

She thought she was Stephen Hawking at the moment. I gave myself over to her completely.

“Here, try this.”

She was holding one of my fashion mistakes. It had looked great in the picture, but the rust-colored suit I’d viewed online had materialized with a two-sizes-too-small jacket and tiny skirt in an unspeakable tan shade that made me look like a hooker with hepatitis.

“This is a joke, right?” I said.

"I thought it fit you like a glove.”

“Unless you want my money to come from guys yelling ‘how much, baby’ on a street corner, I think I’ll pass. In fact, give me that.”

I threw it in my bag of clothes designated for the battered women’s shelter, where my ebay mistakes became someone else’s help in getting a fresh start.

“Okay, this.”

Of course. My other suit. A striped number with huge buttons on the cuffs, and a knee-length skirt. Classy with a bit of pizzazz.

About half an hour before the board meeting, I was chatting with Betty, whose office lay just outside Hal’s, when I spied a plaid apparition, an eighty-ish dowager in head-to-to-toe Burberry – and I mean literally, from hat, to jacket, to boots - accompanied by a rat-sized yapping Yorkie in matching sweater, tethered to his owner by a leash of the same signature design. I thought even the Burberry people would’ve yelled “Stop!” at the umbrella.

As dowager and dog drew closer, I became nearly blinded by the woman’s left bosom, upon which perched a gigantic, in fact nearly life-sized replica of the clamorous canine, wrought in enamel with precious stones for eyes, mouth and nostrils.

Hal hastened to the door, ushered her in.

“Hi there, Sis,” he said, as she extended her hand for a wobbly shake. “You’re looking wonderful today. And how is my favorite Yorkie? Hey there, Puddinface.”

He stooped down for a cuddle and a lick.

“It’s lovely to see you, Mr. Mason, as always,” Sis replied.

As Hal rose from his crouch, he said “Diane, I’d like you to meet one of APA’s most outstanding board members, Sis Reade. Sis, Diane Salvi is our new Communications Director.”

Sis smiled, and we shook hands.

“May I…” I asked, gesturing at Puddinface.

“Of course, dear,” replied Sis.

There’s nothing sweeter than the feel of dog’s tongue on my hand.