James Franco: The Final Chapter

Well, I think I've "Milk"ed this James Franco thing all I can. For now, ciao, James Franco, and good luck with all your endeavors.

An Open Letter to James Franco

Dear James Franco:

First, can I just tell you how long I've loved watching you perform? Since Freaks and Geeks, that's when. Okay, I didn't really watch it until last year, but still. And your performance in Howl? Wow!

Now, James, imagine a game-changing role in a HUGE film. Based on a best-selling novel that, along with its commercial appeal, is funny and, yes, smart. Like you. And like YOUR character in the movie.

Who isn't nice. At all. Aren't you eager to play a jerk, a ne'er-do-well, okay, a real asshole?

You, James Franco, have first dibs. Because the book isn't published yet. I'm pleased to offer you a first look. You have nothing to lose. Come on, get in touch, put up your feet and enjoy reading your next role!

All my best,
Andi Brown

Two degrees of James Franco

The other day, I turned on the radio five different times, and every single time, guess who was on, promoting his new movie, Howl, the Allen Ginsburg biopic. James's ubiquity cries out for some additions to the lexicon. To wit:

Jamesed: overcommitted. "I know I said I'd meet you tonight, but I'm totally Jamesed, what with my lecture on tools of the Mesozoic era at the museum, followed by my guest star turn at the American Ballet Theater. Sorry!"

Pulling a Franco: Engaging in intense study of wildly diverse subjects. "Hello prestigious university registrar. Could you please add to my Ph.D. in biocarbon dating of insect fossils another in anthropomorphism in 17th century Ghanain poetry. Oh, and throw in that class on Writing a New Greek Tragedy, would ya?" "Wow, you are really pulling a Franco."

Franco'ed up: On an adrenaline high from lack of sleep. "Ten cups of coffee, ten minutes of snoozing and I am way Franco'ed up. Think I'll go to med school."

Two degrees of James Franco: The latest parlor game, in which James Franco is connected to everyone. You (blog reader) ----Me (blogger) ----James Franco (star of the movie version of my novel).

Being James Franco

Actor/writer/artist/grad student/grad student/grad student/ and now....literary tastemaker. The polymath wunderkind has added publisher to his storied resume. In addition to matriculating in several graduate programs, adorable James has, according to a publishing listserv I subscribe to, purchased an unpublished novel. What next for James?

Who cares? I just want to BE JAMES FRANCO.

In my rich-and-famous-author guise, my life will look like this:

Writing my next comic novel
Writing my screenplay
Writing the Serious Important Book that's in my head
Practicing foreign languages online through "international friend" websites
Reading books in foreign languages
Watching foreign movies while knitting gorgeous sweaters of my own design
Doing lots of volunteer work
Taking lots of adult education courses

I'm sure I can think of other things to add to the list of Things I Must Do When I Am Rich.